How Do I Know When to Seek Grief Therapy?
Grief can be confusing, isolating, and unpredictable—even though it's one of the most universal human experiences. Everyone will experience some form of grief throughout their life, but for some, losses may be more traumatic or difficult to process. Because there's no "right" way to grieve, it can be challenging to understand or decide when it's time to seek professional support.
First, it's important to understand that grief doesn't follow a neat timeline or predictable stages. You might feel fine one day and devastated the next. You might experience anger, guilt, relief, numbness, or all of these emotions within a single hour. This unpredictability is normal, and the intensity of grief typically softens gradually over time, though it may never disappear entirely.
However, certain patterns can indicate that grief has become complicated or that you're struggling in ways that therapy could meaningfully address.
Signs It May Be Time to Seek Professional Grief Therapy
1. Your daily functioning is significantly impaired weeks or months after your loss. This may look like difficulty sleeping, exercising, eating, staying focused, completing work tasks, or regulating your emotions. Perhaps some days you don't eat at all, while other days you can't stop eating. You might find yourself unable to complete work because you keep replaying the loss, or your mental space is consumed by memories of the deceased—particularly unpleasant memories related to the death itself.
2. You're re-experiencing the traumatic aspects of the death. You may be repeatedly seeing the visuals, hearing the sounds, or reliving memories of the death. You might also startle more easily, feel hypervigilant, avoid places or things that remind you of the deceased, or experience nightmares. These are signs that your grief may include trauma that would benefit from specialized therapeutic approaches.
3. You're coping through avoidance or substance use. You may notice yourself using alcohol, drugs, or medication to numb your feelings, or you're withdrawing from family, friends, and activities you previously enjoyed. Isolation and numbing behaviors can prevent healthy grief processing and create additional problems.
4. You're feeling misunderstood or unsupported by those around you. Maybe you're hearing unhelpful advice or dismissive platitudes like "they're in a better place" or "you need to move on." Perhaps you're not even sure how to communicate about the death or share your stories with others. Grief therapy provides a validating space where you don't have to justify your feelings or timeline.
5. You're experiencing thoughts of suicide or self-harm. If you're thinking that life isn't worth living without the person you lost, or if you're having thoughts about harming yourself, please seek help immediately. Contact a crisis line (988 in the US), go to an emergency room, or reach out to a mental health professional right away.
6. You have children who are grieving and you're unsure how to support them. This may look like more frequent emotional outbursts, your child isolating themselves, not knowing how to talk about the death, or increased sensitivity to small changes in routine or surprises. A grief therapist can help you navigate supporting your children while managing your own grief.
7. You had a complicated or strained relationship with the deceased. If you have a difficult relationship history with the person who died, you may be struggling to process or make sense of your feelings. Ambiguous feelings—relief mixed with sadness, anger alongside guilt—are common in these situations and can benefit from therapeutic exploration.
This is not an exhaustive list. You may also just feel "off" or have continued, deep feelings of sadness with no sense of movement or processing. Remember: grief therapy will only help—it won't make grief worse. We encourage you to try a few sessions to explore your needs and have a professional support you in identifying what would be most helpful.
What to Expect from Grief Therapy
Grief therapy provides a safe, structured space to process your loss with someone trained to understand the complexities of mourning. A grief therapist can help you:
Make sense of confusing or conflicting emotions
Develop healthy coping strategies
Process traumatic aspects of the death
Navigate complicated family dynamics
Honor your relationship with the deceased while moving forward
Identify if depression, anxiety, or PTSD have developed alongside your grief
Different therapeutic approaches can be helpful for grief, including cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) for traumatic losses, and grief-specific interventions. A skilled therapist will tailor their approach to your unique needs and circumstances.
Alternatives to Individual Grief Therapy
Grief Support Groups
If you're looking to feel seen and understood without having to repeat or explain your experience over and over to individual friends or social supports, consider grief group support. Grief groups are helpful if you're seeking support and advice from others who know what you're going through, with a professional facilitator to guide the group process. Many people find comfort in the shared experience and realize they're not alone in their struggles.
Loss-Specific Support Groups
You may also explore support groups specifically related to your type of loss. For example:
The Compassionate Friends (for parents who have lost children)
GRASP (Grief Recovery After a Substance Passing)
Al-Anon (for family members impacted by alcoholism)
Pregnancy and infant loss support groups
Suicide loss survivor groups
Widow/widower support groups
Online Resources and Communities
Online grief communities and resources can provide connection and information, especially if in-person options aren't accessible. Many organizations offer webinars, forums, and educational content about grief.
Self-Care Practices
While not a replacement for therapy when it's needed, self-care practices can support your grief journey:
Journaling about your feelings and memories
Creating rituals to honor the deceased
Gentle movement like walking or yoga
Connecting with nature
Creative expression through art, music, or writing
You Don't Need to Wait for a Crisis
Here's something important: you don't need to reach a breaking point to benefit from grief therapy. Many people wait until they're in crisis, but therapy can be helpful at any point in your grieving process. If you're simply feeling lost, overwhelmed, or like you could use someone who understands grief, that's reason enough to reach out.
Taking the first step to seek support isn't a sign of weakness—it's an act of courage and self-compassion during one of life's most difficult experiences.
How We Can Help
We provide grief support at our office in Evergreen, Colorado, as well as via virtual telehealth therapy from the comfort of your home (or wherever is convenient for you). Please reach out to us if you have any questions about grief therapy, individual sessions, group therapy, or grief resources. We're here to support you.
